In The Middle Of The Night

There’ll be moments
Fighting mortality,
Waiting for you, telling no one.
To no one
Shall cater the cries,
And the past
Shrieking into the silence
Of broken dreams,
Of broken strings,

Deep into time.
Deep into sands that swallow half-shells,
And half-memories,
Half-forgotten and half-alive,
Half-lost in hindsight.

Only to form again
In disjointed halves,
Raising its neck over the coming tide,
Before breaking again
Into a thousand parts,
Into an emptiness that’s cold,
That’s cruel,
That’ll hold;
Weeping and wailing,
Dreaming and disappearing.

There’ll be you,
Dreams of you,
Desires and despairs of you,
All that’s launched directionless,
All my heart could manage,
On faraway nights,
On nights long, long back,
That shall one day find their way to you.
All of me will find all of you.

And one day,
You’ll wake in the middle of the night.

______________________
Subham Basak
(January 2, 2017)

6045882eccaae691faa00f700558a7aa
Starry Night Sky and Girl Watercolor – Art Painting Print 8×10 by Heatherlee Chan | Lady

Party of One

It falls out of place perhaps when you have had too much talk with yourself and suffering from a loneliness that can’t be peopled out. It is when thoughts turn into whirlwinds. Some mild, some loud. Some to glorify the essence of life, some enough to consider ending it. Thoughts are a bitch. Guiding everything. If I were inside of my brain, I was sure to throw up. But then, just prior to the point of exhaustion, just before submission and giving in, it all turns beautiful. Just like truth.

They are all around me. They have surrounded my helpless senses under the veil of refining them. They are playing games. They are spineless, little impostors. They are making me talk and walk, love and hate. They compel me to trust them, walk alongside them, ask them of preposterous unearthly favours.

I want her to love me back.

I want myself to be happy.

I want everything fair.

 

They are not enough to accompany me. They scream when it’s silent around the ears. In tedious, unflinching repetition:

What’s yours must be little, insufficient.

 

It’s as if I find myself sitting at the centre. Silent in the middle of a throbbing party. There’s music playing. Creating waves, lashing against the walls of dull stony cage. Waters that are warm. Thoughts that can dance.
And then, if not thoughts, what are you left with?

In flashes like those of a lighthouse upon a bleak expanse of waters, before the silent awake soul, it suddenly bemuses you by being beautiful. By glowing in a fearful radiance. Like it’s all true! Like one too can make an eternal party! Like the tears of happiness and sorrow, they all count (even the ones swallowed down)! Like the world is a faraway place, made of stone and wood with Life filling its holes, emanating a fragrance. Where nothing must make sense for everything to be of sense.

And we must be lonely.

Subham Basak

partyofone6400062fb10c1bc20b837d92dbedac80

ORIGINAL ARTWORK // Thoughts Leafing // 40 by dirissigmundsdottir

That Which Was Spilled

Sometimes, I just forget to love people. They ride upon a moment and appear, and like the moments, I let them go. It’s like the task feels so difficult at times. They rush in too fast, wait for no permission, smile past, breeze past, like that dialogue from a movie in a theatre you couldn’t pause at and savour.

In hindsight, you fall in love with their memories. You smile back. A little late. A point in time a little distant. In a space where desolation has slowly but inevitably grown around you. Into you. Staring steadfast. And you let the tiny countless lights of regret blink on, like the ritual of festivity in a city of love. It is all so inevitable. Like every trinket of failure in life, we fail in life to emanate just enough love.

We fail to love more times than we manage to fall in love. Then we forget when.

1350870-bigthumbnail.jpg

Moths To The Fire

The talking was short, the fire was lit for the moths,

Pauses breathed of craving, us pulled and pestered by Silence’s gravity,

Longer rose the flames of warmth, two naïve souls

Trepid at the doors of Love,

Muscles fought Desire, Desire battling Morality,

And when eyes found home in eyes, and our lonely skins could no longer hide,

That night, I loved kissing the silence on her body.

 

moth-to-a-flame

(Nov 19, 2015)